Monday, May 6, 2013


I'm on drugs.

Without getting into my whole background and how I've been depressed forever, since most of the people reading this already know about that, let me just say that I finally went to get some help last fall. And it was determined that therapy is all well and good, but I have a brain problem and need drugs. So I'm on drugs.

And they are wonderful.

I feel like a normal human being. I can't say I feel like myself, or "back to normal," since I've never felt this way. But I feel like this is how I *should* have been feeling all my life. I'm not overly happy -- well, there was that initial period when I ran around with a Joker smile and felt kinda floaty, but I've since evened out. I still get stressed. I still get sad. I still get grouchy. But I feel those things in a normal, tolerable way. I no longer get overwhelmed by little things, and I don't have that broken record in my mind replaying every horrible or embarrassing thing I've ever done in my life.

I still maintain that it is better to try to come at depression from several angles, and that medication shouldn't be the first thing to do to the exclusion of therapy and other treatments. But from where I stand, having tried every other option I could find -- from exercise to dietary changes to talk therapy to cognitive behavioral therapy to plain ol' positive thinking -- there's a time and a place for anti-depressants. Some people need them for a short time to get through a rough patch. Some people need them for a longer period. And then there's me. I'll probably never get off this medication. And that's ok with me. I'll still keep doing the other things I need to do to keep myself up. But I finally feel like a normally functioning human being, which is something I have never felt in my life. And that's priceless to me.


  1. I am so happy you found something that works for you. I used to be really against "medicating." But then I realized I was only against it because I was a judgy asshole, and sometimes, drugs really are necessary and really are helpful, and they should not be dismissed out of hand. Life is not really meant to be sad all the time. I don't think so anyway! xxxooo

  2. Yeah... I think sometimes people take them when what they really need is therapy, or more exercise, or to quit their crappy job that makes them miserable, or whatever. And that's not good. But just like anything else, the brain can be broken, and sometimes drugs can fix it. It's easier to see that now, when I'm able to look at things objectively. Before I didn't want to try medication because I felt like my depression was a personal failure, so I had to fix it myself, and every time I tried to fix it and couldn't, that was just another failure. But now that I'm not depressed, I can look at it like any other illness. Diabetes isn't a personal failure, and yes, you need to make lifestyle changes to deal with it, but you also take medication. It's the same with me and my broken brain.