Tuesday, May 6, 2014


I have been in a really bad slump lately. Worse than it's been in a really long time. And you know, I can blame it on my meds not working properly anymore, and I'm sure that's part of it, because there's no reason I should be feeling quite this bad with the things I'm dealing with lately.

But a lot of it is also just feeling completely out of control in my life. There are about a thousand things that are beyond my control, but which affect my life profoundly. I don't feel like getting into it all here in my blog, but suffice it to say that about the only thing I have control over right now is what music I listen to in the mornings. That's it.

And so I feel constant frustration. I feel anger. I feel helplessness. And all of those feelings compound and multiply until I'm being sucked into a bottomless pit of despair. Now, it's not like anybody is dying, or anything majorly depressing like that. It's a lot of little things and medium-sized things, and for a person with a normal brain, my current life situation would cause stress and frustration, maybe a few cranky days. But with my brain and its faulty wiring, I end up in a deep depression. Heaven help me if something catastrophic *actually* happened to me. I think my head might literally implode.

So I guess I'm going to try to take control of the little things I can control. I can control my immediate environment by continuing to organize and purge, maybe even decorate. I can do the yard work that I've been putting off. I can clean my car. I can keep my eyebrows plucked. And I can try to let go of the things that I can't control, and try to be more flexible.

Maybe it won't help. But it probably won't hurt.