Friday, February 21, 2014

I can't.

I've been really struggling for the past couple of days. I can do the things that I absolutely have to do, like getting the kids from school and going to work, but if it doesn't have to be done, I can't bring myself to do it. It takes all my energy to do those few things that must be done and I don't have any left for the other stuff.

And the funny thing is that I'm more debilitated by this downswing than I used to be before I was getting treatment for my depression. I guess it's because I was always living in some state of depression before, so I was used to it, and if I let it keep me from living life when I felt bad I would literally never get out of bed. So I pushed through it. Now, I'm not used to it. I know what it's like to not live under the cloud, and I know what it's like to have energy and motivation, and when those things are gone I don't know how to function.

I'm not sure this is progress.